Dear Readers,
Today’s newsletter topic has been on my mind for some time now, and I am still unsure if I wish to discuss it. My aim has always been to teach good manners to those genuinely interested in the topic, rather than give too much attention to those who no longer believe in etiquette.
However, I might risk some sleepless nights, so here we go. Let me start rhetorically: Have you ever held the door open for someone, only to receive a blank stare instead of a "thank you"? Or dressed elegantly for dinner while others arrived in sweatpants? If you've ever felt out of place for following etiquette, trust me, you're not alone. In today's world, where casualness and comfort are the first go-to, practicing good manners can feel like an act of defiance.
I myself have been called old, outdated, and even dictator-like for teaching etiquette.
The Real Question is: WHEN DID ETIQUETTE BECOME UNCOOL?
Our modern culture prioritises ease over effort, informality over refinement. We see it in the way we dress, how we communicate, and even how we handle relationships. Friendships and romantic connections are often treated as disposable - ghosting is common, RSVP commitments are flaky at best, and canceling plans last minute has become the norm.
While I believe some level of comfort might be beneficial - for example, the shift in certain business cultures to use first names instead of surnames - I do fear that in other areas, we might have gotten just a bit too comfortable.
This shift is visible in pop culture and politics, where attention-grabbing behaviour often trumps grace and decorum. Take the infamous Will Smith slap at the Oscars - an event meant to celebrate artistic achievement turned into a viral spectacle because emotions took precedence over self-control. Or consider how politicians now rely on sensationalism, interruptions, and insults to go viral instead of engaging in civil debate. The more shocking the behaviour, the bigger the audience, with millions of views on social media.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
I have noticed a certain trend where people tend to use the words comfort and inclusion synonymously. The world has become much more global in recent years, with cultures and traditions wonderfully intertwining. Many people from various cultures or minority groups feel more included than before, which is an amazing thing. But show me a culture where a lack of respect is deeply rooted - I highly doubt there is one.
In a digital age where likes and reposts are currency, being loud, brash, or even rude gets rewarded. We see influencers making careers out of public confrontations, reality TV stars gaining fame by being as unfiltered as possible, and brands embracing casual interactions over polished professionalism. The message is clear: civility is outdated, and bluntness sells (and no inclusion is mentioned either).
But does that mean we should abandon etiquette? Absolutely not.
THE POWER OF REFINEMENT
Etiquette isn’t about being stiff or outdated - it’s about respect, consideration, and making others feel comfortable. In a world where self-interest often takes priority, good manners stand out more than ever.
So, the next time you feel like an alien for practicing etiquette, remember: being well-mannered isn’t about fitting in. It’s about setting a higher standard. The world may be casual, but refinement will always be timeless. And if you are like me, the discouragement might as well push you further in promoting good manners everywhere.
Yours sincerely,
Katarina
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